The REO Speedwagon Song RIM Should Have Used For Developers

Roll With The Changes

As soon as you are able, devs, to begin winnin’
You make that break that you have been denying
It’s getting hard to have faith in the tales we’re spinnin’
And we can tell that you’re no longer buying

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

We didn’t see it coming, saw no tables turnin’
Thought iPhones were just a pain in the ass
We couldn’t understand it, and didn’t end up learnin’
Users can really type on a piece of glass

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

It seems our time is over, we don’t have much comin’
And you need to make money now, we guess
Our brains are really straining, but yeah, we got nothin’
We understand your flight to iOS

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

Keep on rolling, keep on rolling, keep on rolling…

Haikus Written During Today’s WWDC Keynote

With much excitement
Today Apple announces
Samsung’s next products.

Dear iPad 1 folk:
No iOS 6 for you.
Best Regards, Apple.

Developers meet.
Let’s stop all this software talk,
Get to the hardware.

Play long video,
Announce whatever they want
After crowd’s asleep.

Apple’s MacBook Pros:
Can competitors keep up?
Dell just peed their pants.

Biggest question now
With Retina display MacBooks:
Will Porn sites upgrade?

iOS upgrades
Get to user base quickly.
Android’s never do.

Samsung design team
Brainstorming, they ask Siri
What do we do next?

iOS 6 adds
Ugly faces everywhere.
FaceTime cellular.

Maps’ navigation:
Users love, competitors
Won’t know where to turn.

Rumor Has It (For Tech Rumor Sites, and With Apologies to Adele)

It, it isn’t real,
And even if it was it’s no big deal.
It is a fiction,
You’ve never got it right before what’s with your affliction?
Yeah, it’s got it all
Directly from the marketing cabal.

Get a grip, you know you’re giving us fits.
You don’t care if you’re a fool, we know it’s all for page hits.
You published the trash even though you’re in the dark,
And then cover your ass by using a question mark.

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

You, have half a brain,
But I’m guessing it’s the other half you strain.
I know you’ve an empty cup
So you’re telling people things you just made up.
But when you creep about and facts ain’t around,
Why must you resort to rumors?

Knock it off, you look more dumb every day.
Most of this stuff makes no sense, you should just send it away.
There’s no escaping from your publishing crimes,
But that’s what you get for listening to Digitimes.

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

All of these words keeping your ear full,
Tell stories of a device impossible.
Just ’cause they said it, don’t mean they’ve got credit.
People say crazy things.
Just ’cause they said it, don’t mean they’ve got credit.
Just ’cause you heard it…

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

But rumor has it Apple TV comes out this year.

That’s Where He Will Be. (For Steve Jobs)

There’s lots of things that I don’t know, the afterlife is one.
I tend to think we live our lives, and after that it’s done.
But if there is a place revealing great technology,
That’s where he will be.

Technology was for the few when his work did begin.
An era for “the rest of us” is what he ushered in.
And if there is a place with a “mere mortals” citizenry,
That’s where he will be.

I know there’s hardship in the world, and tragedy unmeasured,
But cannot use that to deny that there are also treasures.
And if there is a place where the consumer holds the key,
That’s where he will be.

So I’ll always be grateful that he bucked the status quo.
Not satisfied with where we were; knew somewhere else to go.
And if there is a place for those who see what we can’t see,
That’s where he will be.

Blowin’ in the Fan (with apologies to Bob Dylan)

How many tablet PCs must be built
Before people get that they’re wrong?
How many demos must Microsoft give
Propped up by their own dance and song?
And after a decade of failure in this
Do they know that we won’t tag along?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

How many years can an OS exist
Before its best days have gone by?
How many new paradigms can be shown
That much better methods apply?
And how many times to the well will they go
Before seeing it’s finally run dry?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

How many vendors were pulled on a chain
Building tablets unfriendly to hands?
How many failures and misguided tries
Were continued according to plans?
And when will they get the futility of
Shoehorning PCs into cans?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

(Inspired by this tidbit about a prototype Windows 8 tablet.)

Baby You Can Touch iPad (for misguided pundits, with apologies to The Beatles).

I asked Thurrott what he thought that it was.
He said a tablet, and that’s because
It’s unimpressive, and does nothing new
Than hardware he’s seen since 2002.

Baby you can touch iPad.
Experience you’ve never had.
Baby you can touch iPad,
And maybe you’ll love it.

He said in his mind it’s all just the same.
I said iPad shows those tablets are lame.
A desktop OS is all very fine,
But for a touch UI it’s not designed.

Baby you can touch iPad.
Experience you’ve never had.
Baby you can touch iPad,
And maybe you’ll love it.

I told him users could start right away.
Thousands of touch apps the very first day.
Apple’s not perfect, plans could fall apart,
But with their touch OS it’s a great start.

Baby you can touch iPad.
Experience you’ve never had.
Baby you can touch iPad,
And maybe you’ll love it.

Tweet It

They told him don’t you ever blog around here.
We’re forming into cliques that you’ll get nowhere near.
We wouldn’t read your posts if you bought us a beer.
So Tweet it, just Tweet it.

You have a lot to say; opinion is strong.
But no one reads a thing that’s over 10 words long.
You better make it quick, or soon you’ll be gone.
So Tweet it, Tweet it.

Tweet it! Tweet it!
Keep it short and folks will read it.
Show ’em how pithy you have become;
Anything long and our brains go numb.
Just Tweet it, just Tweet it.

You wanna talk about a great thing you’ve heard,
But you must think in characters and not in words.
We don’t have time for sentences; don’t be so absurd.
So Tweet it, just Tweet it.

If you can keep it short then you will do well.
You might get lots of followers who think you’re swell.
With luck you might even make the SUL.
So Tweet it, Tweet it.

Tweet it! Tweet it!
All blog posts are so conceited.
Don’t put the effort in being distinct;
Much more important you be succint.
So Tweet it, Tweet it…

(From an idea by Jason Kottke. With all due respect to Michael Jackson and Twitter.)

Father’s Day: In Memory of Dad

When I was five I was afraid of you.
You were so big.
Seemed so strict.
Mom was the “nice” one.

When I was 10 you scared me some.
Always wanted to please.
Reveled in your praise.
Laughed at your jokes.

As a teenager we argued.
Your ideas were so “old.”
Your habits were embarrassing.
Sometimes I felt ashamed.

In young manhood our differences grew.
Politically, socially, opposite ends.
It was always black and white with you.
There was never any gray.

As a father, I began to see it.
How did you deal with eight?
Your quiet confidence spoke volumes.
Your patience nearly infinite.

Now that I’m older, it’s clear.
Never understood what you went through.
Didn’t realize what you gave up.
I see it all now.

You’re in a better place.
Hope the Angels laugh at your jokes.
Hope Notre Dame wins every game up there.
Hope they have a good stereo for you, too.

So long, pop. Talk to you again next year.
I’ll catch up to you soon enough.
R.I.P. Richard Arthur Reestman
February 2, 1921 – October 10, 1999